Eating Childhood

What is your favorite food memory from childhood?  Is it a particular dish mom or grandma used to make, a treat reserved only for Thanksgiving or your birthday?  For me I always come back to foodstuffs served around the holiday table, particularly the flavors of Christmas-time:  cardamom, cinnamon, ginger and all those wonderful aromatic spices.  I also come back to my Grandma Tiede’s blueberry muffins…completely independent of all holidays, but something I remember as being one of my favorites.   I would go so far as to call them the original catalyst for my baking.

When I was writing an essay, one of those “think about your life” and tell us why we should give you money sort of scholarship essays for the French Culinary Institute, I was asked to describe where my baking passion comes from.  I found myself discussing Grandma’s muffins, but my discourse wandered much further than the basic light and flakey, moist or dense muffin topic.  Although the muffins are to die for and to me are the best muffins in the entire world, the real importance of these “fabulous pastries” was in my historical connection.

When I was still a kid and my mom ran her Saturday errands (grocery shopping, picking out a video tape for Saturday night and gathering necessary items at Wal-Mart) I more often than not spent the latter part of the morning and early afternoon with my grandmother.  She would prepare lunch for us consisting of simple favorites like a good broccoli, ham and cheese soup or Chile rellenos, raw vegetables with her special dip made with Beau-monde seasoning and of course the blueberry muffins would appear from time to time.  I would watch her make the food, occasionally “helping”, and when I wasn’t watching her I was often watching television.

Cable hadn’t been around that long when I was still young.  Grandma certainly didn’t have cable, but she always kept the television on PBS  (Lawrence Welk was one of her favorites).  I loved PBS from a young age thanks to the likes of Sesame Street, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood and the Electric Co., but as I got a little older I made a huge and influential discovery in my life:  cooking shows!!!

I was treated to visions of food I’d never seen with the Galloping Gourmet and Graham Kerr.  Old episodes of Julia Child occasionally cropped up showing me things like the perfect omelet and soufflé.  I found an amazing link to creativity and eating and talking and sharing.  I loved to listen to these people talk passionately about food.  They adored what they were doing, were good at it and made me want to come through the screen and try all sorts of delicacies from places I had only heard of in my elementary and junior high geography classes. 

Grandma would cook and bake and in my own way I would cook and bake via the television.  Granted I didn’t only watch television while I was there, grandma was a librarian and had a ton of kid’s books on the shelves for my cousins and me and there were also games to play or the backyard to explore.  I used to love to climb the peeling sycamore out back and see how far up I could go without breaking my neck.  Once mom came back from shopping, though, it was time to sit down and eat.  I don’t recall having a bad meal at my grandma’s table, though I don’t know that we ever had anything particularly fancy or complex.  It was simple food made by her and therefore I loved it.

The aforementioned fantasy muffins of my dreams were always one of my favorites and never failed to disappoint.  I know without a doubt that it was the crumbly topping I craved.  The muffins themselves are dense and moist, but give me a good sugar and butter filled topping and I’m happy.  I decided as part of last weekend’s baking madness to revisit Grandma’s muffins for myself and see if the memory of them held up to their taste in reality.  My mom has been kind enough to go through all of Grandma’s recipes and make me copies.  What seems craziest to me is I’ve never made the muffins before.  Maybe it was my fear that they wouldn’t be quite as good as I remembered or that it would be strange that I’m making them and not my grandmother, somehow taking her magic powers away.  I’m happy to report the muffins were as good and tasted the same as I remember…I was shocked, and all the people I shared them with really loved them too.  Grandma still has the power to charm even after all these years.

Grandma Tiede’s Blueberry Muffins

Ingredients:

3 cups flour

2 cups sugar

1-tablespoon baking powder

1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature plus 2 tablespoons melted for topping

2 eggs

3/4-cup whole milk or 1 cup evaporated milk (I prefer the evaporated)

1-teaspoon vanilla

1 3/4 cups fresh blueberries

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Butter two standard 12-cup muffin pans or line with paper liners (cupcake wrappers).

Using the paddle attachment on your electric mixer, combine flour, sugar, baking powder and butter.  The mixture will be somewhat moist and crumbly.  Remove 1 cup of this mixture and reserve for the muffin topping.  To the remaining batter add the eggs, evaporated milk and vanilla.  Beat until smooth.  Gently fold in blueberries.

Fill muffin cups about half full with batter (roughly a heaping 1/4 cup).

Melt 2 tablespoons of butter and drizzle over the muffin batter.  Sprinkle the reserved crumble topping over the batter.  Bake for 25-30 minutes checking with a cake tester for doneness.  Let cool on a wire rack.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to share the recipe, it felt like I should guard it somehow and keep it safe, but in the end I decided everyone could benefit from a couple dozen of these beauties.  The recipe was a little odd to me, at least by modern standards in terms of mixing.  I’m used to a traditional order of mixing dry ingredients together in one bowl and adding them to all the wet ingredients at the end, mixing as little as possible to keep from overdeveloping gluten in the flour.  This recipe calls for mixing the butter, sugar, baking powder and flour together first, scooping out a cup (which becomes the lovely topping) and then adding eggs, vanilla and evaporated milk.  My fear in this “out of order”-ness was a tough muffin, but it wasn’t.  It was still light and airy and incredibly moist from the fresh farmer’s market blueberries.  Now everyone can eat a little slice of my childhood.

The blueberry muffins all came about because of my compulsion to create themes.  For me to write cohesively I need to have several topics, be it activities or baked goods, that relate to each other in some way.  The through line isn’t always clear in the beginning, but generally takes shape by the time the desserts are eaten and the photographs are edited.  In this case it all began by making cupcakes for Mia Peebles one-year old birthday party.

Izabella (her mom) and I had hashed out weeks ago the idea for the lion cupcakes.  The party theme was going to be one of animals; zebras, monkeys, elephants and lions.  The usual zoo menagerie was showing up and I was immediately inspired to create lions thinking that Mia was a Leo in the astrological sense.  Come to find out she’s actually a Cancer (the crab) and I never quite wrapped my brain around how to make crab cupcakes.  With a little more thought I’m sure I could, but the lion was already in my head, design and all and Izabella liked the idea solely based on the zoo theme.

The cupcakes could be any flavor I wanted, they left it to my discretion.  I generally like something light and clean in the vanilla/lemon range, so that’s exactly what I did as the base.  I found a great cupcake recipe out of the Martha Stewart's Baking Handbook, one for vanilla cupcakes, and doctored it up with a little lemon zest.  The lions themselves were to be made out of fondant so I thought buttercream was the way to go in terms of the frosting hiding underneath.  My previous experience with warm weather baking and fondant has led me to conclude buttercream to be the most stable foundation.   Softer frostings like a cream cheese won’t stand up to the ninety/hundred degree weather, and truthfully neither will buttercream if left in the direct sun, but under normal, air-conditioned settings seems to do quite well. 

The point of all this is Mia likes blueberries.  The previous weekend when Siena was over “swimming” in the pool I found out that Mia adores blueberries, and though a one year old’s party is really for the parents and their friends, I thought it would be a nice touch to add blueberry jam to the buttercream and have blueberry frosting.  It was delicious and tastes so much better to me than fondant.  I know there are a lot of people who like to eat fondant, but all I taste is the confectioner’s sugar (that’s mostly what it is).  To me it tastes "fake", and although I love the look I can leave the taste for somebody else.

Lemon Vanilla Cupcakes and Blueberry Meringue Buttercream (adapted from Martha Stewart’s Baking Handbook) Makes two dozen.

Ingredients:

2 cups cake flour (not self-rising)

2 teaspoons baking powder

1-teaspoon salt

1-tablespoon lemon zest

3 sticks (1 1/2 cups) unsalted butter, room temperature

2 1/4 cups sugar

1/2-teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1-cup milk

8 large egg whites

Blueberry Meringue Buttercream

2 lbs. vanilla fondant

2 lbs. chocolate fondant

Orange, Yellow, and Black food color pastes.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  Line two standard 12-cup muffin pans with paper liners.  Into a medium bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, lemon zest and salt; set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the butter and 2 cups sugar until light and fluffy, 3 to 4 minutes, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.  Beat in the vanilla.  With the mixer on low speed, add the flour mixture in three parts, alternating with the milk and beginning and ending with the flour; beat until just combined.  Transfer mixture to a large bowl; set aside.

In the clean bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, beat egg whites on low speed until foamy.  With mixer running, gradually add remaining 1/4-cup sugar; beat on high speed until stiff, glossy peaks form, about 4 minutes.  Do not overbeat.  Gently fold a third of the egg-white mixture into the butter-flour mixture until combined.  Gently fold in the remaining whites.

Divide batter evenly among the muffin cups, filling each with a heaping 1/4 cup batter.  Bake, rotating pans halfway through, until the cupcakes are golden brown and a cake tester inserted in the center of a cupcake comes out clean, 20 to 25 minutes.  Transfer pans to a wire rack.  Invert cupcakes onto the rack; then reinvert and let them cool completely, top sides up.  Frost the cupcakes with Blueberry Meringue Buttercream, swirling to cover.  Cupcakes can be kept in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 3 days.  Top with fondant lion faces. (Tip: fondant dries out in the refrigerator, so if you can, wait and add the faces the day of the party).

Blueberry Meringue Buttercream

Makes 5 cups

Ingredients:

4 large egg whites

1 1/4 cups sugar

3 sticks (1 1/2 cups) unsalted butter, room temperature, cut into tablespoons

1-teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups (12 ounces) blueberry jam, pureed in a food processor

In the heatproof bowl of an electric mixer set over a saucepan of simmering water, combine the egg whites and sugar.  Cook, whisking constantly, until the sugar has dissolved and the mixture is warm to the touch (about 160 degrees).

Attach the bowl to the mixer fitted with the whisk attachment.  Beat the egg-white mixture on high speed until it holds stiff (but not dry) peaks.  Continue beating until the mixture is fluffy and cooled, about 6 minutes.

Switch to the paddle attachment.  With the mixer on medium-low speed, add the butter several tablespoons at a time, beating well after each addition.  (If the frosting appears to separate after all the butter has been added, beat on medium-high speed until smooth again, 3 to 5 minutes more.)  Beat in vanilla.  Beat on lowest speed to eliminate any air bubbles, about 2 minutes.  Stir in blueberry jam with a rubber spatula until frosting is smooth.

Making cupcakes and buttercream have become “old hat” so to speak, but working with fondant isn’t something I do all the time…maybe a couple of times a year.  I wasn’t sure at first how to approach the project so I did my usual trusty web search to get some ideas as a starting point.  There has been a long line of lion cupcakes made, let me tell you.  I saw tons of photos, a few good but mostly not done so well.  The problems with many of them typically had to do with poorly piped frosting.  It’s hard to get a clean look with piping unless you have a steady hand and really know what you are doing.  Piped frosting, or piped anything is something I rarely do and I was after a clean and modern approach to lion cupcakes.

The several I saw online done in fondant looked a little better and I realized the cleanest way to get what I wanted was to cut out all the shapes.  This required “cutters” for everything so that I didn’t have to make any manual (and therefore imperfect) cuts.  I began by measuring the circumference of the muffin shapes in the pan.  I knew that the main feature of a lion is the mane, and I wanted something slightly larger to give an overhang and dimension to the cupcake.  I found a fluted tart ring with the right amount of scallops to look detailed but still clean.  I searched through my icing pipe tubes for shapes that would work for eyes, pupils, cheeks and a nose (a circle cut into four wedges).  Lastly I needed a shape to cut out the face.  Searching the pantry I couldn’t find anything the perfect size, but then I remembered my old trick of using a wine glass as a cutter.  A white wine glass is the perfect size to cut out a lion face.

Having never made these before it took quite a bit of time.  I bought both white and chocolate fondant adding orange and yellow food paste to the white fondant, respectively, to get the colors I was after.  I also added black for the pupils.  The hard part, at least for me, was getting things assembled in a fairly warm summer night kitchen in a reasonable amount of time.  Fondant likes to dry out so you have to keep it covered.  I used very lightly dampened paper towels to keep it malleable, but often ran into trouble with them becoming too moist and sticky.  I need to do a little research on techniques before working through this sort of project again.  In the end (at 3 in the morning) I managed to complete them.  My bleary eyes staring into the innocent lion’s with a satisfaction of a job well done.  I know Mia liked them and I was proud she ate my cupcake as her first birthday treat, flaming candle and all.  But the best thing is I know it made Jonathan and Izabella happy and will be a pastry memory for them.

I mentioned earlier about a baking madness that came over me last weekend, one that led not only to grandma’s muffins but also one leading to the creation of cookies and a cake as well.  I was like a man possessed in the kitchen and have no other excuse to offer than I was trying to burn off some nervous energy.  You see, this was the first weekend I was solo with Siena!!!

Brian had to go to Florida for a few days to help his father with some things so I was left alone to play dad.  I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t nervous, maybe even extremely nervous if I were being really honest and I have to say it’s one of the best weekends I’ve had in a really long time.  The first question I had to ask myself was what do you do all day with a six month old???  Normally, I spend the weekends and mornings with Siena, and Brian brings her home.  My job can tend to keep me a little late, and I don’t arrive home until past her bedtime.  Though we run around a lot, taking trips and visiting people I didn’t have anything in particular planned to do with her and found myself wondering what the heck I was going to do? I did the only thing I knew to do…start with food.

After dropping Brian off at the airport Siena and I made our way to the farmer’s market, our new Saturday tradition of “running errands”.   As always there was an assortment of bright and beautiful fruits and vegetables to choose from.  I wanted to find blueberries for Grandma’s muffins as well as a new fruit to puree for Siena.  There were a few pints of gorgeous, golden apricots left sitting at one of my favorite purveyors tables and I knew they were the winners.  I also found my blueberries and the zucchini I needed to make zucchini cake.

Zucchini Bundt Cake with Orange Glaze (August 2011 Martha Stewart Living)

Ingredients:

1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, melted, plus more for pan

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pan

2 2/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4-teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4-teaspoon anise seeds

1/8-teaspoon ground cardamom

Coarse salt

2 medium zucchini (about 8 ounces each)

3 large eggs

1 1/2 cups sugar

1/2 teaspoon grated orange zest, plus 1-tablespoon fresh orange juice

Orange Glaze (recipe follows)

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.  Brush a 6-cup (or larger) Bundt pan with butter, and dust with flour, tapping out excess.  Whisk together flour, baking power, spices, and 1-teaspoon salt.

Grate zucchini on the large holes of a box grater (or the large grating blade of your food processor, for ease), and then squeeze dry in a clean kitchen towel or press in a ricer.  (You will need 2 1/2 cups.)

Stir together eggs and sugar, and then stir in melted butter, zucchini, and orange zest and juice.  Stir in flour mixture.  Transfer batter to pan.

Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 1 hour (cake will rise quite a bit over the top of the pan but should not run over).  Transfer pan to a wire rack, and let cake cool for 10 minutes.  Run a pairing knife around edges of cake to loosen, and turn out onto wire rack.  Let cool for at least 30 minutes.

Brush several layers of orange glaze evenly over cake.

Orange Glaze

Ingredients:

1 1/4 cups confectioner’s sugar, sifted

2 pinches of ground cardamom

1/4 teaspoon finely grated orange zest, plus 3 tablespoons fresh orange juice

Whole milk, as needed, for thinning

Whisk together sugar and cardamom.  Whisk in orange zest and juice, and whisk until mixture has the consistency of thick honey.  If mixture is too thick, whisk in milk, 1 teaspoon at a time.

Herein lies my predicament.  I had my heart set all the week previous on making muffins.  There was no doubt in my mind I wanted to make them but I had also run across a couple other baked goods I felt compelled to make.  One was this lovely orange studded zucchini cake.  I had a random evening where I was alone on the train, not coming home with Siena or looking at one of the many books I am often trying to read (finding time to read seems an epic challenge these days).  It was that truly rarest of times where I had missed the previous train and was waiting for the next one to leave, giving me over an hour to sit and read the August 2011 Martha Stewart Living magazine cover to cover.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I did that.  Anyway, there was a whole section on zucchini.  It makes sense because in the month of August, everyone is thinking the same thing, “What do I do with all this zucchini?”, or at least I know several of my friends at work who belong to CSA’s (Community Supported Agriculture) were having a hard time figuring the best way to use up the mounds of zucchini and squash piling up in their weekly boxes.  A bundt cake is a solid answer.  The ingredient combinations were reminiscent of a cake I like to make at Christmas, and this was the real appeal. 

It often happens toward the end of summer I begin to crave those holiday spices I haven’t had in 7 or 8 months.  My old favorite cardamom is always a draw, so when I saw this recipe contained not only cardamom but also anise seeds, orange zest and maple syrup my heart melted.  I felt the warm December feelings wash over me in a sudden flutter and though I knew I would be solo with Siena all weekend I thought certainly I could squeeze in a bundt cake somewhere along with the muffins.  And besides, there were three days in a row of birthdays coming up at work and it might be nice to have an extra dessert to bring along.

This leads me to my third predicament: gingersnap sandwich cookies (with raspberry jam filling).  Again, this came up out of research done a few weeks past when thinking about raspberries.  Not long after our trip to Rockefeller Preserve, with all the raspberry bushes about to bloom I had looked for raspberry recipes, ultimately creating the mixed berry tarts with black raspberries a few weeks ago.  Though my raspberry craving was mostly satisfied, I continued to have the bright red color on my brain and maintained a desire to make something with it.

The recipe research had led me to gingersnap cookies I found in The Martha Stewart Living Cookbook:  The Original Classics.  The raspberry jam paired with the ginger cookie reminded me of the holidays, but at that moment I wasn’t yet feeling such a call to fill the house with the smell of gingerbread.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, that switch got flipped when I saw the zucchini cake recipe and I decided cookies really weren’t that hard to make either, especially when adding a nice, store-jam as the filling.  I didn’t figure it would really take me much more time.  Cookies, muffins and cake, how long can they all really take to bake?

The answer:  really not as long as you might think, and in fact I learned that I can get both a batch of cookies or muffins out during Siena’s morning nap.  I guess we are lucky because we manage to have a baby who will sleep through anything, including the whir of the Kitchen Aid mixer.  I like to think it’s a happy hum for her and one that helps her sleep.   So, last Saturday morning I started with the gingersnap raspberry sandwiches because I knew they would keep the longest of any of the desserts I would be making.

Gingersnap Raspberry Sandwiches  (modified from The Martha Stewart Living Cookbook:  The Original Classics) Makes 2 dozen.

Ingredients:

8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature

1/4 cup pure vegetable shortening

2 cups sugar

2 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking soda

1-teaspoon ground cinnamon

2 teaspoons ground ginger

1 tablespoon freshly grated ginger

1/2-teaspoon coarse salt

1/4-teaspoon pepper

1/4-cup pure maple syrup

1 large egg, beaten

1-cup raspberry jam (with seeds)

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees; line two baking sheets with parchment paper, and set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter, shortening, and 1 cup sugar on medium speed.  In a bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, salt and pepper.

Add the fresh ginger and maple syrup to the butter mixture; beat to combine.  Beat in the egg until well combined.  Reduce mixer speed to low; slowly add the flour mixture, a little at a time, until well blended.

Place the remaining cup of sugar in a bowl.  Measure out 2 teaspoons of the dough (I found a small ice cream scoop worked well for this); roll into a ball.  Roll the dough in the sugar; transfer to the prepared sheet.  Repeat, spacing the balls 3 inches apart.  Bake until golden, about 12 minutes, rotating pans halfway through.  Transfer to a wire rack to cool.  Form and bake the remaining dough.  The cookies may be kept in an airtight container at room temperature up to 1 week.

To make sandwiches, spread about 2 teaspoons of the jam over half of the cooled cookies; place a second cookie on top of each.

The recipe seemed quite good as is, but I wanted to improve upon it, as I often like to do these days.  With enough baking projects under my belt I’ve learned a little more about flavor profiles and what spices/flavorings work well together.  Though this cookie obviously had ginger on the ingredient list, it was dry ground ginger.  I thought it might be nice to add a little spice to these cookies so I added a tablespoon of grated ginger to give it some zing.  I’ve done this before with my holiday gingerbread men/women and it gives the cookie much more pizzazz.  Additionally the recipe hadn’t called for salt and I can’t stand to have a dessert without at least a little salt to bring out the sweetness.  It seems counter intuitive, I know, but taste a chocolate chip cookie with and without salt and tell me which one you like better.  Lastly I added a 1/4-teaspoon of black pepper since I figured we were already headed down a “spicier” road it might be a nice accompaniment…and it was.

These cookies are great because they will keep in a Ziploc bag for up to a week and you can pull a couple out and sandwich them together with jam whenever you feel like having a snack.  They were also a hit at one of the many work birthday parties of the week along with the cake and muffins.

I waited until Saturday night and Siena was contentedly asleep before baking the cake, it seemed like something that needed a tiny bit more focus, though still quite simple to make.  Sunday morning seemed the appropriate time to bake muffins and also made sense to make them last and serve them first thing Monday morning so that everyone got the freshest muffins possible. 

In all my “off-time” I was busy trying to entertain my daughter.  It would seem I have such a block when it comes to figuring out how to spend a day, but suddenly the day is gone and I realized I didn’t burn the house down or drop the baby and in fact I think she even had a good time.  Entertaining her is a good excuse to be a kid again myself, clapping, singing, “dance-baking” for her in the kitchen and screaming excitedly along with her shouts.  She did help with the orange glaze for the cake.  Siena really doesn’t require more than being amused and having attention paid, something I’m naturally willing to do…in fact I have a hard time taking my eyes off of her.

I know she loves the great outdoors so I decided to take her back to Rockefeller Preserve to go for a “hike”, the hike in this case being me pushing her luxuriating little self in a stroller up and down hills along gravel paths and horse trails.  I can’t get enough of this “park”.  We took a different root this time and immediately went up into a sunlit meadow where fawns were literally playing and eating grass.  We sat and watched them for a while until they noticed us and leaped away and into a thicket.  We continued our stroll up and out onto a flat expanse of grass with acres of forest lining one side.  Standing under the shade of a large oak with a gentle summer breeze moving across we were both so happy and content. 

We hung out in the grass for a while before moving along, across the field and down into the woods.  The sun was starting to slant as late afternoon reaches the turning point of becoming early evening.  Everything went from blazing bright to cool and dappled as we made our way along a creek filled with washed rocks and trimmed in ferns.  Our pathway led us to a road we had been on during our last visit.  I remember the road took us near what looked to be a farm.  A side road led away into the trees, past a red iron gate.  I always enjoy taking the road less traveled so to speak and we moved along the bumpy trail past the gate, through the trees and up into the warm sun once more, moving along fenced in fields and outbuildings until it looked like we might be coming up on someone’s property.  Not wanting to be unwelcome guests, we took the next left leading us back down to the familiar road once more before moving along and making our way back to the parking lot.  The journey was no more than an hour and a half, but I felt like a boy again playing in the fields back home near my parent’s house.

The trip took it out of Siena and she was ready for a bath, food and bed by the time we got home, and so was I.  When Sunday came along and all the baking was finally completed, Siena came outside with me to help take pictures before laying out in our secret garden in the backyard to look at books and watch the clouds go by.  It was so peaceful lying back there with her, entertaining her and “talking” to her until she was ready for an afternoon nap.  Later that day we went with Izabella, Jonathan and Mia to a place called Caramoor.

Apparently there are a lot of outdoor concerts that take place at this magical garden in the woods.  It’s located in Katonah, about a half an hour from our house in this really beautiful area outside of town.  I’m going to sound like stalker now, but I think I found Martha Stewart’s house about a half a mile from the venue!  We were driving along, Siena and I following Jonathan, when we turned onto this gorgeous wooded street in the country flanked with very well maintained stone fences.  You could start to get a peak through the trees of the house and outbuilding and I immediately had the feeling come over me that I’d seen these things before.  The clincher was the most massive and amazing private greenhouse I’ve ever seen standing in an open area for the world to see.  I know Martha has an amazing greenhouse just like it and I’m convinced it was her house.

Despite my almost star-sighting, Caramoor was lovely.  Tucked into the woods behind giant old trees and through an iron gate, the Italian-ate structure houses a concert hall but also has speakers scattered throughout the gardens so one can be at the concert and in the lush plantings at the same time.  This is where we took the babies for a play-date along with a few other moms; dads and kids Izabella and Jonathan have met over the past few months.  It was great!

Was my weekend crazy?  Yes.  Was it nervous-making as a first-time dad?  Yes.  Did I have an amazing time?  Yes.  I feel like I got to bond with Siena in a way I hadn’t before, largely because I don’t get to see her as often as I would like.  We spent quality time together instead of time spent on the train trying to keep her amused and somewhat quiet…a feat not often achieved with an excited and vocal 6 month old.  I realized I actually could do this thing called parenting, something I was already doing, but not nearly over-thinking so much as I had this weekend alone.  I guess it’s the responsibility involved, being the only one around to make immediate decisions.  Granted, she doesn’t need a lot of decisions to be make right now, but I still occasionally think I’m a kid and how could I possibly have one and take care of her?  But you do, and I am and we seemed to make out better than fine, we had fun.

I’m not sure if its Siena or the kid friendly cupcakes, grandma’s nostalgic muffins or the cookies and cake that make me think of Christmas, but I really felt a lot of connection to what I was baking the past couple of weeks, connected in a deeper way than I sometimes feel.  It’s important for me to connect with what I’m doing, especially when “spare” time is so precious to me.  If there is a personal story woven in it’s all the more appealing and sentimental.  All art, no matter what the medium, should have a catalyst.  My catalyst is all things related to being a kid:  finding goodness and surprise in colors, flavors and things that come in bright, shiny packages or simple little blue pint containers at the farmer’s market.  It’s just who I am.